PS...Mascara Review

Hi Everyone!

I'm back with a mascara review! I love reviewing mascaras and seeing the before and after pictures. Today I'm reviewing the  P.S...Mascara, this is of course Pennys own brand. I'm going to try and keep this post short and sweet so...let's get straight in!

I'll start with the positives, I really like the packaging. It looks a lot more expensive than €1.50. I really like thelook of the black and gold packaging. I also like the shape, especially the pointed top. As for the brush I do actually like it. It's quite thick as you can see from the picture above. It does get all around your lashes and give them a decent bit of volume.

For me that's where the positives end. I curled my lashes as I always do because I have quite straight lashes and it didn't hold the curl at all. After about 30 minutes they were back to being straight. The consistency of the mascara itself was very thick and quite dry. I feel as though this mascara is more of a lash tint than anything else. After about 6-7 hours you really wouldn't notice it on my lashes.

I was very underwhelmed when using it. For €1.50 I can't really complain but I wouldn't buy it again and I certainly wouldn't recommend it. I find the PS range to be very hit and miss and while there are so absolute gems, like the lip liners etc there are definitely some misses and for me this mascara is definitely one of them!

Have you tried this mascara? What did you think ?

Erin X

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A Little Life Update

Hi Everyone!

It feels weird to be sitting down writing again (weird in a good way). I've really missed it. I never planned on taking a break from blogging but somehow haven't managed to sit down and write in almost 2 MONTHS!!! That feels crazy for me considering I used to blog 7-8 times a week. Looking back I've no idea how I used to write that much! My life has changed so much since starting the blog and with that so has my blogging routine. SO what has been going on that's been stopping me from writing. There is quite a few reasons and if you follow me on snapchat then you'll probably have a good idea of a few of them...

Social Media : There has been a negative undercurrent going on recently in regards to blogging and particularly beauty blogging. I've voiced my opinion on it over on snapchat and I don't want to waste my energy on it again to be honest. However it did have a big effect on me. I found myself nervous to write reviews even though I wasn't being paid or hadn't been sent something to review. But still i was nervous and this made me want to take a break from blogging, but I never intended for it to be this long. Another thing is that snapchat has taken over my life! It's 100% the social media platform that I'm most active on. I love the realness of it and how easy it is to connect with people. But it does take up a lot of time as does Instagram, Facebook, twitter etc.and I have been keeping up with videos on YouTube. It's just all been a bit busy.

College: This is the main reason why I haven't been blogging. As a lot of you will know I am currently  in college studying Digital Media Design. I love the course and I get to do some really cool modules and assignments. But this semester all of my modules are continuous assessment, meaning that instead of having final exams at the end of the semester I have small assignments that are graded the whole way through the semester.  I actually really do like the fact that it's continuous assessment, but it is very difficult. I am constantly inundated with work that HAS to be done within a few days. I never really have a day or night 'off' because there is always work to be done. Along with that as I'm doing  media course, it's not as simple as doing an essay and then you're finished, it's mostly portfolio work. This means we are given a brief and a deadline and you have to get as much work done as possible in this time. This leaves very little room for blogging.

Slimming World: I don't think I've mentioned this anywhere else but mid January I actually joined Slimming World. If you've followed the blog for a long time, you'll know I've been wanting to lose weight for quite a while. I'm not massive and I know that but I still have a few stone that I'd like to lose. So I started back in January and in the course of about 5-6 weeks I'd lost 7lbs just in time for James' brother's wedding too. I was delighted as I hadn't really stuck to plan at all, often having 1 or 2 takeaways a week or having WAY too much chocolate. The most difficult thing was figuring out how the system worked and preparing meals, this took a lot of time especially in the first few weeks. I haven't been doing slimming world for maybe 3 weeks now and I have definitely gained some of it back on, again college took over my life and I didn't take time out to prepare meals etc. But as of this week I'm back on track! The reason I kept it to myself was simply because I wasn't sure if I was going to stick to it or even like the plan so I didn't want to set myself up for failure or add any extra pressure on myself.

Work Placement: As part of my course and many others in the University of Limerick, it is mandatory to do 9 months work placement during your degree. Mine will be from June 2016 to January 2017. UL have a system that help all students find work placement but there is an option to set it up yourself. I chose this option and hopefully I'll be able to work with my mam for my placement. My mam has set up a business (which I will discuss in more detail later on in the year)  and I just cannot wait to start working with her. Obviously setting all of that up and filling out loads of forms etc has taking up a lot of time but I can't wait.  Myself and my mam are very similar people so I think it'll be an amazing experience also she's my best friend and I'll get to live at home again so that's exciting.

Friends: One of my new years resolutions was to see my friends more. Last year I worked myself to bone and left very little time for my friends, which was ok because they were all busy with their lives too. However as I get older and the more people I meet, the more I appreciate and love my best friends. They are all absolute stars and I just love them. So it would be silly to not want to spend more time for them. I'm making much more of an effort this semester and I have to say, it's done me the world of good. I love going out to one of the girl's houses after college and having a good catch up about everything and essentially having a bit of free therapy. So I've enjoyed taking mornings/afternoons and evenings off to make the time to see them.

All things combined I've just been busy! I do think it was healthy for me to take a break and while I'm in college, my degree is my number one priority. I have things a little more under control now and I'm very excited for the rest of 2016. I'm so happy to be back blogging again!

Thank you so much for reading! 

Erin X

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Better Mental Chatter

Hi Everyone!

Today the fabulous Rebelle Haze is back with words of wisdom, don't forget to check out her blog (HERE). I thoroughly enjoyed reading all of her tips and will certainly be taking them on board and trying to change the way I think to stop any negative chatter going on inside my head...

I’m sure it’s not just me, but that most of us are in constant mental conversations. We talk to ourselves all day long and, unfortunately, this self talk is frequently negative. Quite often it is tainted with guilt about our past or anxiety about our future. This negativity can destroy any seed of hope that we may otherwise have had in reaching for or achieving our goals.

Our actions are mostly guided by our thoughts. If we can change the way we think, we can begin to change the ways in which we act. Its basic human nature to seek out growth; whether financially, emotionally, physically or spiritually. Practicing positive self talk and mental chatter can help us set in motion actions that will bring us closer to the things we want to achieve.

The following are seven steps to positive mental chatter.  By following these steps you will begin to rid your inner conversations of negativity and instead have empowering thoughts.

1. Eliminate Internal Negative Chatter

The first step is one of awareness. It will be hard to make a change to positive thinking without being acutely aware of the thoughts that run through your head. Recently, I was amazed to discover deep buried emotions from negative thoughts that I had for fewer than 10 minutes. Without awareness, I would have carried the hurt and anger inside. Awareness helped me to bring them out to the open for me to deal with.

Obviously it will not be easy to make a switch if you have a long history of negative self talk. Your talk became negative over the years due to various factors. For instance, if your first class teacher repeatedly told you that you were “stupid”, you might believe it to be truly the case. You would find that your inner chatter would often be filled with talk of “I am so slow” and “Learning isn’t fun”. If you constantly tell yourself such negative stories, your actions are going to reflect your low self esteem. It will be difficult to get very far if you are always putting yourself down.

A common negative talk involves telling yourself “I can’t”. When you say to yourself “I can’t” or “it is too difficult”, you are creating a resistance. Having such a mental block will prevent you from achieving a task you might otherwise succeed at.

Anytime you catch yourself saying “I can’t…”, turn around and challenge your own claim with, “Why can’t I?” Research shows that most geniuses became the people they are also because of the hard work they put in. So if you would like to be successful, you need to start saying “I can” an awful lot more.

Something that I have also found useful is to take a pause each time I find myself thinking something negative. This break to take a breath and take time out to pause is very helpful in stopping a negative thought pattern from going further. The method works if you sincerely have the intent of becoming a positive thinker.

2. Positive Affirmations

Affirmations are positive statements of a desired outcome or goal. They are usually short, believable and focused. By repeating them over and over again, you build a structure in your subconscious mind, opening up the possibility of a new state of thought.

An important step when repeating affirmations is that you need to read your affirmations aloud with feeling. The mere reading of the words bears no consequence unless you put some feelings and emotions behind them. A significant fact is that your subconscious mind takes any orders given in complete faith and after repeated mental chatter. So the daily practice of repeating affirmations is important.

3. Positive Scripts

From reading this article so far you may be becoming aware of how easy it is for your mind to build negative thought upon negative thought. The chatter not only does not stop but it spins a drama that traps and limits you.

From now on, regularly do this exercise instead. Spin an uplifting story that runs like a movie script. Some visualization will be helpful. You build on a story with a positive outline. The longer you can tell this story to yourself the better. It is also best if you can make this story one about having all your goals achieved. When you do this, you start to internalize your goals and dreams, as if they are something that you have already achieved. Do this every time you see a challenge or a block coming your way and you will eventually mentally remap your mental chatter and thought processes.

4. Replace Negative Influences with Positive Ones

Identifying external negative factors in your life which may be holding your thoughts hostage is of huge importance. For instance, your mental state can become toxic by being around friends who are negative. If you are not vigilant enough, you will start to adopt their thought patterns and behaviours as your own. Therefore you need to be alert to what your negative influences are. If they come from certain friends, limit your exposure to them as much as you can. Refrain from discussing your plans with people who will be unsupportive of your dreams and goals.

Instead surround yourself with thoughts and actions from people who will empower you and be much more positive. From being uninspired and de-motivated, you will begin to feel uplifted and driven to greater self growth. The positive energy that they give will start affecting the self talk that you engage in as well.

5. Present Tense Messages

You may find yourself daunted by the many things you need to do in order to reach your goals. Your mind gets caught up in an endless stream of worry. What may be helpful is to concentrate on steps you can take in the present. If you find yourself becoming stuck, stop and say, “What can I do right now?” Change your mental chatter from a future anxiety ridden one to one that is more focused on the manageable present. You cannot control what will happen in the future but you can take the necessary steps now to build a better tomorrow. Taking the necessary steps require you to focus your thoughts and inner talk on Now.

6. Confront Fears

Fear is often what holds you back from your success. You are scared of taking chances because you fear losing the security that you enjoy now. Let’s face it change can be scary! You try to convince yourself that you are happy in your current state when in fact, you are not. Your mental chatter may sound positive in your attempt to lie to yourself. But somehow, there is a deep down realisation that you are short changing yourself.

Ask yourself what you are afraid of. What’s the worst that can happen?  Take a step-by-step approach in breaking down your fears and see if there is any way round to looking at things more positively. When you confront your fears, you will often realise that the worst case scenario is not as bad as you think. In fact, the benefits of change are worth the risk. Your self talk begins to change at this point.

7. Focus on Enjoyable Moments

It is much easier to have a positive attitude if you focus on the enjoyable moments in life rather than the difficult ones. While there will inevitably be challenges, you need to remember that life consists of ups and downs and the good times are forged through the bad.

So choose to fill your mind with positive images and thoughts. Make it a conscious habit. Simply bring your mind back every time it goes astray in its thoughts. For a start, if you can be grateful for what you have presently, your self talk will also change to be in alignment with one of joy.

Redirecting your mental chatter from a negative space to a more positive one is not going to happen overnight. If your mind has ingrained in the habit of thinking negatively, it will take some work and time. However, if you find yourself often struggling, unable to achieve your goals and talking yourself down, then you should grit your teeth and commit to the process of change.

By following the above tips to positive mental chatter, you will experience an improvement in the quality of your life.  Best of all, you will feel more empowered. With the change in energy, you are more likely to reach your highest potential and achieve the goals you set out for yourself.

Thank you so much for reading and thank you Rebelle Haze for sharing your words of wisdom!

Erin X

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Fun Things to do Alone

Hello Everyone !

I am very much a people person, I love meeting new people and having good chats with people. But I am a massive fan of my alone time. I need it. It keeps me sane. There is a big misconception that being alone is lonely. When I'm alone I'm never lonely, I'm usually having lots of fun doing one of the following...

Go to a movie - Even better go to that really embarrassing cheesy movie that no one else wants to see, completely indulge in it's cheesiness and have an amazing time. I used to think going to the cinema alone was awfully embarrassing, but actually the person you buy the tickets from doesn't think any less of you or think you're a loner and once the lights go down no one will even know you're there!

Have a spa day or get a message - Treat yourself to some 'me time'. Treat your body and head off to the spa, or book yourself a message. If you can't afford a spa day then do a DIY job at home and complete pamper yourself with face masks, hair masks and doing your nails.

Binge on a Tv show - Sometimes you just need a blanket day, where you don't bother getting out of your pajamas, you order in food and you completely give in to Netflix and all of it's amazing series. I recommend, Gotham, Daredevil, Gossip Girl and Once Upon A Time.

People watch - GUILTY !! This is one of my favourite things to do when I'm alone, just watch people and try to guess what their life is about or what's their story! head into a coffee shop and get a seat by the window and enjoy!

Complete a project - Finish whatever project you always leave on the long finger, whether that's finishing a blog post or painting a set of drawers, let your creative side come out and feel productive!

Take a hike -  Hiking is one of my favourite things to do alone, it gives me my own space to think about everything and clear my mind of any worries or problems that I have. I always feel really great afterwards too, fresh air, exercise and a clear mind !

Try a new workout -  You could try a new workout class at a local gym or simply find a fun workout on YouTube and do it from the comfort of your own home.

Go shopping - Ok I'll admit, while I love going shopping with my mam or my friends, sometimes I love nothing more than going shopping alone. Let me explain, I have a couple of different shopping 'moods'. Sometimes I want to try on absolutely everything in a shop and other times a quick glance through the rails in sufficient. If I'm with other people, I have to wait on them to finish looking around or they have to wait on me and they I feel pressured to hurry up. But when I'm alone, I can do whatever I want and just truly enjoy shopping.

Take a long bath -  There's nothing better than curling up in a lovely hot bath (preferably filled with Lush products) and reading a good book or watching some YouTube videos. Or simply giving yourself a really relaxing pampering session.

Experiment in the kitchen - It's good to play with food and try out new recipes, especially when no one is there to see you mess up and who knows you might just create a new favourite dish!

What do you do in your alone time ? 

Erin X

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My Blogging Essentials

I have been blogging for over a year now , so I thought it was about time that I share some of my blogging essentials. My essentials have changed over time, but the basic elements have always stayed the same...

Camera: For the first six months of blogging, I used my phone. The quality of pictures were awful so I knew I needed a proper camera. I settled on the Nikon J1 and I'm really happy I did. It's a great little camera that produces very decent pictures. It's also the camera I use for filming my YouTube videos. I probably will upgrade my camera at some point but it's perfect if you're just starting out or if you have a small budget.

Laptop: You don't need a laptop for blogging, you can do it easily on your phone or a tablet. But I always prefer writing my posts on my laptop. I don't like the Blogger app and just finding writing from my laptop much easier.

Notebooks: I have loads of notebooks, I find them so useful. They are incredibly handy for housing all of your ideas and lists. I find it much more therapeutic to actually write things down, and I tend to remember things more.

Google Drive: I love organising things and google drive is perfect for just that. I keep my blog planner, my YouTube planner, my calendar, some notes, pretty much everything to do with Chasing Ruby Chat on my google drive. It's so handy because I can access it from my phone, laptop or anywhere really! The only limit really is space but that kind of forces me to simplify everything and declutter everything from time to time.

Lights: I recently invested in a set of artificial lights because from about September to March, it's very difficult here in Ireland to get good natural daylight to take pictures. I use the Glamcor lights and while they are pricey, I paid about €250 for mine, they are in my opinion worth it. I can take pictures and film videos at any hour of the day now.

PicMonkey: I use the free version of Picmonkey to edit all of my photos. I think it is an incredibly handy tool. There is so much you can do with it and it's completely free. Good photos are essential for any blog in my opinion and using Picmonkey is so simple and you can create beautiful pictures from it.

Backgrounds & Blu Tack: This is something I still struggle with, but feel I'm getting much better at. I use everything from wallpaper and trays to big sparkly handbags. Blu Tack is essential if you're taking photos of a product or multiple products that aren't flat. The amount of times I used to try and take photos of mascaras or eyeliner, only to have them roll away just as I pressed click on the camera. Enter blu tack, a small amount will go a long way and save you lots of frustration.

Social Media: In order to grow my blog, social media has been absolutely essential. Some of my favourite apps are Tweetdeck, Snapchat, Facebook and Twitter. I love them all for different reasons and might do a separate post on them altogether.

So there you have it, my blogging essentials! What are your blogging essentials? 

Erin X

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L'oreal Skin Perfecting 15 Second Miracle Cleansing Oil Review

I had been on the hunt for a really good affordable cleansing oil for a while. So when I seen the L'oreal Skin Perfecting 15 Second Miracle Cleansing Oil on offer in Boots for only €6.99 I picked it up right away. I absolutely love cleansing oils to remove my makeup. I find it's the quickest and easiest method. 

L'oreal Skin Perfecting 15 Second Miracle Cleansing Oil is a light and fruity scented oil that comes in a pump bottle. Which is ideal for convenience and hygiene. It's also perfect for travelling with, I actually depotted some of the oil into a travel bottle and brought it with me to Berlin last month.

So you know the drill by now, pump a few drops into your hand, message it onto your dry face, emulsify it with a drop of water and wipe everything away with a clean damp facial cloth. Very easy and very quick!

I've used this oil to remove both barely there (as in the scraps of makeup left on my face after a 14 hour day) and a full face of makeup with waterproof gel eyeliner after a night out. After both scenarios my face is squeaky clean after the 15 second miracle oil.

My thoughts overall? I love this oil, it's very affordable as it's almost always on offer in Boots. I like the fruity scent, I don't find it too overwhelming. I love how soft my skin feels after using it. I'm a big fan of how quick and easy it is to remove ALL of my makeup with this oil. I love that it has a pump, it makes life super easy. It never feels greasy and there's never any residue. I will definitely repurchase this time and time again.

Have you tried the cleansing oil?

Erin X

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Elizabeth Arden Ceramide Capsules Review

One of the most popular products from Elizabeth Arden is the Ceramide Gold Ultra Restorative Capsules. To be perfectly honest with you, I had never heard of them before I attended the Elite Munster Blogger Event, where we all received about eight capsules to try. I had never ventured into high end skincare, as I've never had the budget to do so.  I was very interested to try them as we'd heard amazing things about them at the event...

Elizabeth Arden claims that these capsules to the following...

• Immediately smoothes and revitalizes the look of skin.
• Visibly improves skin tone and clarity.
• Supports skin's natural collagen for a firmer look.
• Reduces the appearance of fine lines and wrinkles.
• Gives you skin that’s noticeably softer and smoother.
• Reduces roughness and dryness.
• Enhances your skin hydration for a fresh and balanced feel.

I have to say I completely agree with them all, except the fine lines are wrinkles reduction, as I'm only 21 and didn't have any to begin with so I wouldn't notice if there was a difference. On application, they feel like they are going to be greasy and sit on top of your skin. Give it just a few moments and they absorb into your skin perfectly. It is supposed to be suitable for all skin types too. I love using these capsules because my skin always feels amazingly soft after using them. I usually use them at night and there is never any residue the next morning. I have also applied it just before doing my makeup and I have to say it makes my makeup look much nicer. My skin tone evens out and the makeup glides on. 

The serum inside the capsules are fragrance, alcohol and preservative free, which is very interesting because most skincare products need preservatives in it to make sure that it doesn't go bad once you open it. I think it's possibly because you only use one capsule per application. So if you normally react with fragranced products, this may be something to look into. 

At first I found it quite difficult to open, but the trick is to twist the top of it and it'll pop off so you can squeeze out the serum. One capsule will cover the entire face and neck. There is 30 capsules in each pod. I use maybe 2-3 capsules per week so while they are expensive, they will last for months! I was lucky enough that my friend watched this favourites video and seen my raving about them and how sad I was that I only had a few capsules left. She actually bought me the full pod for my birthday so I was and am so happy and grateful because it'd probably one of my favourite skincare products ever! 

One thing I do want to note as well, it is compatible with any other skincare range, not just Elizabeth Arden skincare. This is brilliant because you can still use more affordable skincare and use the capsules as a treat. I have seen a massive difference in my skin since I started using these. My skin is clearer and fresher looking. 

I really cannot recommend these ceramide capsules enough! I will 100% be purchasing these when I run out. The retail at a whopping €85 from Debenhams.ie but if you are trying to invest in skincare, then definitely check these out. As far as I'm aware you can actually ask for a few samples in store and try them out before splashing out on them. Also if you're a student or know a student, you can get 10% off all Elizabeth Arden goods in  all Shaws department stores.

Have you tried these capsules before? What are your favourite oils/serums in your skincare routine ?

Erin X

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Holos Anti Ageing Facial Oil Review

Hi Everyone!

My first review of 2016! I thought I'd start with skincare as that's a big focus for me this year. With the Winter weather being so cold and damaging to the skin, I thought I'd introduce you to my little secret for keeping my skin hydrated and repaired throughout the Winter months. Introducing the Anti Ageing Facial Oil by Holos...

Holos are an amazing award winning Irish brand owned by the fabulous Niamh. I have heard her speak about the backstory of Holos and it really is very inspiring. I have met her a few times in person and take part in her weekly Twitter blogger chat #holoslovesbloggers which is held every Monday evening at 9pm, as much as I can.

 While I am only 21 and don't need to worry about fine lines and wrinkles for a few more years, I'm a firm believer in prevention is better than cure and for that reason, I like incorporating anti ageing products in my skincare routine. I also notice a major difference in my skin when I use oils. This facial oil has amazing ingredients like argan oil, rose, palmerosa, benzoin and frankincense.

I use this oil 2-3 times a week as it's all my skin needs. Every single time I use it, I notice a massive difference in the texture of my skin. It makes it so incredibly soft. The facial oil itself is quite thin but I do feel like it takes quite a while to sink into my skin. I definitely still have some residue left over the next morning. I have no problem with that though as it does such an amazing job at keeping my skin hydrated.

The oil itself comes in a lovely little bottle and you take the oil out via a dropper. I think this is a brilliant because you only need a few drops to cover your face and using the dropper makes it so easy, there's no mess at all. To apply it to your face, you simply put a few drops into your hands and message it into your skin. I use this after my moisturiser and it's the very last step in my routine.

The facial oil retails at €22.50, which I think is a great price considering some facial oils that give you the same results can cost over €100. It can be purchased in numerous pharmacies around Ireland and online from HERE on Holos.ie . I definitely recommend trying it out if you're looking for a new facial oil or if you suffer from dry skin.

Do you use facial oils in your skincare routine? What's your favourite?

Erin X

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Surround Yourself with Positive People and Tell The Rest Get Lost!

Hi Everyone!

Today I have my first collaboration of 2016. Fellow blogger Rebelle Haze from Rebelle-ution . I wanted Priscilla to write some advice for all of my lovely readers because I have found her blog so incredibly helpful. It has helped me find some confidence that was lacking and some self belief in myself. I find her to be truly inspiring and I hope her advice today helps some of you, I'm sure it will as it's helped me understand a few things and look at certain situations in my life differently!

In this life we are surrounded by an abundance of people, they are everywhere! Some people are a joy to be around, they are kind, supportive and engaging. They make you feel better about who you are to the very core. Then there are other types of people. These people are an effort to say the very least of it. When they text or call you immediately roll your eyes or your gut twists because you'd just rather not deal with them.

I have heard a thousand times the importance of surrounding yourself with positive people. It's only natural, when you are in the company of positive people they have the ability to make you feel more positive about yourself and all that you can achieve. Positive people are generally more productive and creative and can inspire the same in you. Nobody ever really talks about what you do about the not so positive people in your life though. Perhaps it's an Irish thing? We are a particularly polite nation of people, to a fault. The only thing worse than rudeness to an Irish person is meanness.

While reading Lena Dunham's Book "Not That Kind of Girl" I came across a quote that jumped off the page and shook me.

"When someone shows you how little to them and you keep coming back for more, before you know it you start to mean less to yourself"

The effectiveness of this quote was undoubtedly influenced by the fact that an object of my affection had been playing the age old hot and cold game for a week. Suddenly it hit me, by continually responding to texts and getting in contact with this person I was giving them full permission to carry on treating me this way. Why wouldn't they? There was no repercussion for their bad behaviour, they received the reward of my company regardless of their behaviour. As a result I began to reduce my own value without even noticing. The expectation that I should be treated as well as I treat others went right out the window because I had a crush on this person.

F*CK THAT!!

So I gave myself a stern talking to, reminded myself that there are heaps of crush-worthy individuals out there who are worthy of my attention and affections and who would reciprocate without needing to resort to petty games or control tactics. Of course it didn't stop there, I started to recall all of the relationships I've had romantic, personal and professional where I have allowed others to treat me badly and made excuses for them. Of course this sapped my energy and made me work harder at a dynamic that only sought to make me feel worse about myself, intentional or otherwise.

It needs to be said I am a nurturer by nature (there's a psychology joke in there somewhere). It's why I do what I do. I like to help people, I like to see people happy, motivated and being all they can be. Life is too friggin short to be any other way. This little light bulb moment of mine has made me realise not everyone deserves my help and encouragement, especially if it takes more from me than the gift I intend to give. So I challenged myself to look at all of my relationships everything from family to facebook friends, to not only pick out the wonderful people in my life but to weed out those who do not contribute as much as I do to our relationship.

Here is how I did it:

1. Examine your relationships!

Some questions I asked myself before cutting contact with people are:

- Has this person actually done something wrong or am I taking their words/actions to heart when I shouldn’t?

- Is there something going on behind the scenes that may be affecting our relationship (something real, not drama queen fodder)?

- Is this an issue we can work out together?

- Can I trust him/her to keep my best interests at heart?

- Does he/she respect me (and vice versa)?

- Do I really think he/she gets a kick out of making me feel bad?

- How do I feel about myself when connecting with him/her?

- What does he/she contribute to my life that I would be lost without?

Think about how long you’ve known this person, what they might be dealing with internally. If all else fails you can't beat the old fashioned pros and cons list to help you decide. It might sound harsh but it is very telling if the cons list exceeds the pros or you struggle to find pros.

2.Go with your gut!!

Nobody knows you better than you know yourself. Even on days when you’re not feeling your best, you know more than anyone what will make you feel better and what’s niggling you in the first place. If you feel like someone is toxic to your well-being, that’s enough. You will know, you won't even need a list your gut will tell you. Whether you are exhausted when they leave or you feel sick to your stomach when you know they are going to be in your company. You don’t have to tell anyone your reasons for not wanting to be associated with someone. All the justification in the world will not change that, in the same way that someone who is seemingly perfect in every way still isn’t the one for you if there is no chemistry. You don’t owe anyone anything, and you deserve to have peace of mind and a positive environment devoid of people who bring you down, deliberately or otherwise.

3.Block, Unfriend and Unfollow.

Social media can be a serious friggin pain. It’s far too easy to passive aggressively say whatever you want and then say, “Oh no, that totally wasn’t about you! I’m sooo sorry you thought that!”

Back to  number 2: Trust your gut. Do you feel like something was aimed at you? Regardless of whether it was, do you feel like the fact that it might be is personally affecting you? Guess what -- real friends won’t make you feel that way. Ever!

The block and unfriend feature exists for a reason. Use it. Even if the issues you have with the person you’re cutting out aren’t social-media related, it’s not worth the annoyance of seeing something that person posts. Facebook, especially, is passive-aggression heaven. Blocking fixes that easily.

Also? When you’re done, you’re done. You made the decision to make your life better, and you turned that decision into an  action. So don’t snoop around and ask how that person is doing, what they’re up to, etc. It doesn't concern you anymore, you have your own life to be getting on with.

If this person is someone you really can't unfriend because it would be more hassle than it's worth then hide their posts from their news feed and hide the amount of information they are privvy to. You are limiting contact in a way that still keeps you safe.

4. Confide in the people closest to you…but be prepared to lose other friends in the process.

This one is pretty self-explanatory, but I mean, you’re allowed to talk about it. Letting go of a relationship, even a bad one, is painful. Talk to people you love and trust if the process is difficult for you. They will support you and your decision.

Also keep in mind that you might see some unfriending, unfollowing, etc. that you might not expect. That’s obviously a very surface-level depiction, but other people will drop off the face of the earth (or, as I like to think of it, move over and make room for better relationships). Don't worry about this one too much, if a person cannot respect your right to happiness they have spared you the job of letting them go or cutting them out at a later stage.

5.No Bitching.

It might be hard at first, but do your best to separate the character of the person you’re cutting out from why you’re cutting them out of your life. Honestly, even painful people have positive attributes , and bad-mouthing them or insulting their character is going to get you nowhere except back into a negative state of mind that cutting the person out was supposed to help free you from in the first place. Name-calling, eye-rolling, gossiping, etc. defeats that purpose. Just nod politely if the person is mentioned. Remember that you’re taking care of yourself first and foremost, and that is what matters.

So there you have it loves, it's a new year, let's make it a positive one!

Rebelle

xoxoxo

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